What Not To Wear

Ever since Sarah started kindergarten, I have developed a new and terrifying fear.  This is in addition to the myriad of phobias I already have to grapple with on a daily basis.  Fear of flying.  Rodents.  Sharks.  Open water.  Bridges.  Subways.  Heights.  Parking garages.  Sitting in my car under a highway overpass.  Pigeons.  Seriously, it’s a wonder that I can make it out of the house day in and day out without crumpling into the fetal position.

But now, one may rule over them all.  It’s the fear that I will have to, for some unforeseen reason, exit my vehicle in the Our Lady of Grace School morning carpool line looking like this:

No makeup, Christmas pjs with gingerbread men on them, shapeless Northface quilted down coat, and Uggs...my husband is a lucky, lucky man

Despite us being in month 6 of the kindergarten year, I still cannot find time in the morning to execute the most basic hygiene procedures to indicate that I did not just spend the night in a public restroom with the Mole people.  From the time I wake up to the time Sarah goes to school, it’s a race to the finish line to get Sarah looking halfway presentable and fed (and by “fed,” I mean throwing a handful of Cheerios into a hopefully clean bowl).  And lord help me if she wants me to pack her a lunch.  Then I have to go braless.

And maybe I’d feel better about my shabby-not-so-chic look if the other carpool moms joined me in looking like the Bird Lady from Mary Poppins.  But no!  They are all dressed in clothing that do not make them an immediate candidate for a basic cable makeover show.  They are in heels! Their hair is perfectly in place!  Their clothes are ironed and they have no errant pieces of breakfast embedded into their hair!  How do they do it?  Are they just coming off a night shift?  Do they go to sleep looking like that?  Are they vampires??!  I can’t figure it out.  Yes, I know some of them must go to work but I know for a fact that many do not.  And yet, they look like the “After” pictures to my most definite “Before.”  It’s one of my unsolved mysteries as a stay at home mom.  In the mean time, until I can afford a team of stylists or become one of the undead, I remain ever grateful for my tinted windows and am hopeful that people will just assume that I am the nanny.


8 thoughts on “What Not To Wear

  1. Ha ha… Love it! Well, it is around -20 at your house. I’m surprised that you can make it outside that early in the morning at all!

  2. I will join you in the makeup-free, bed-headed, jammie-wearing carpool lane as soon as I can! If I could head to my office this way, I would. However, I have made it safely home from the carpool lane wearing jammies, only to have to quickly rush back to school, without having even brushed my teeth and go bring something to a child. It’s only on those days that the principal and your 12 new acquaintances seems to be lolllygagging around in the foyer hoping to chat! Be free, be strong, but don’t cave to the Prada-wearing princesses before 9! Oh yah, a good tip – get really, really big sunglasses and a coat with a collar you can put up. Hides a world of sins! I think next week you should write about dressing up to go visit your child’s classroom for 10 minutes!

    • There have been several times when Sarah has asked me to walk in with her to help her carry something and each time I’ve told her no. And yes, if I have to visit her class, it’s a MAJOR operation to make myself looking presentable at such an early hour. I appreciate the advice from a “veteran.” And I only have Sarah there right now. Not sure what things are going to look like when I have Katie there too!

  3. You are hilarious! If it makes you feel any better, I rarely get a shower before 9pm, and I am ALWAYS in my workout gear, hat included! Another option for you!

  4. Jane, it looks as if you borrowed a page from my Berry Patch look book, only, instead of jammie pants, I wore black yoga pants covered in a light dusting of cat hair….every day. Great blog post!

    • Ha ha…just wait till we add BP in the mix next fall. Right now, Katie, if she’s lucky, gets a pair of shoes slapped on her before we go. Not sure what I’m going to do when I have to get her ready too!!

  5. Again, you make me laugh Jane! I do think you look wonderful in that picture-pjs and all!! Those other women who are all made up are wishing they looked that good just getting up in the morning. They HAVE to get all made up b/c they don’t look at good as you in their pjs!!! 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s