Most of the other stay at home moms that I know are highly intelligent, motivated, and savvy. All of them, prior to staying at home, held professional jobs that relied on them to solve complex problems in creative and efficient ways. Most hold graduate degrees from higher institutions of learning that validate that yes, these are some smart cookies we are dealing with.
And yet, one issue seems to stump all of us moms of babies and young toddlers: how to shower (and also subsequently, get ready) in the morning. Yes, such a simple thing, I know, but I have had roundtable discussions about this very topic with scores of moms, all trying to figure out the answer to this conundrum. Short of creating flowcharts, we have dissected this subject to death, without any meaningful solutions. Should we all shave our heads? Laser off all our body hair? Shower with our children? Tattoo on our eyebrows and eyeliner? Laugh all you want but I know moms who have employed two of the four tactics I just listed…I leave it to you to guess which two.
Why is this so difficult? A shower requires maybe 10 to 15 minutes, tops. Hop in and hop out, right? Sounds simple but you have to understand, in toddler minutes, that is equivalent to about 30 to 45 minutes without their precious mommy. And post-shower, you still have to somehow whip yourself together in a way that makes you presentable to the public. That might require, depending on who else you have to encounter that day , anywhere from another 10 minutes to another 30 minutes. Most days, I surrender and put my hair up in the ubiquitous mommy ponytail in defeat. Because by the end of this time, your child is foaming at the mouth, desperate for your undivided attention. Am I exaggerating, you ask?
If it pleases the court, I present to you, Exhibits A-E: Katie While I Take a Shower. (While you view these, please imagine Katie screaming “GET OUT NOW!”, “YOU BE DONE!”, or just a high-pitched “MAMAAAA I NEED YOU!!!!”)
And Exhibit F: Katie While I Get Ready…she has me in a viselike grip around my knees for most of this time, making it virtually impossible to pivot, turn, stand, or maintain balance. My eyeliner often shoots across my face making me look like a drunken kabuki actor- which is a look I very rarely go for.
And might I note that these photos were all taken while my beloved husband was in the house? Not even the presence of another parent on duty is a guarantee of a peaceful shower. So then what is? I am happy to write that at 27 months, Katie has reached another crucial milestone: Exhibit G: Katie Finally Watches TV ALONE! She does not need me right next to her, stroking her hair, while she zones out with Elmo. She can pollute her mind and kill her braincells with Spongebob and commercials for Bratz dolls, in her words, “all by myself!”
And me? I can rinse, lather AND repeat without an audience! Just one step closer to becoming a normal adult again….YES!!!!